Hope

Update:

      I got my AmeriCrew! This consists of nine of the most miraculously awesome individuals you have ever seen! We are all incredibly brilliant. Passionate advocates for the underprivileged. Leaders of leaders. And we all have  perfectly chizzled Greek god-like bodies. If you are looking for excellence folks, look no further than the Americorps NCCC crew, Cedar 2. When we are together in our 15-passenger van, Oobie, the metal paneling vibrates from the sheer power we exude.  

Hold up...... not all of that is true. 

Brilliant... not the best word to describe the time we had to give a presentation on the importance of PT and the proposed idea was doing ten minutes of lyrical dancing in front of our whole unit. And the bit about our chizzled god-like bodies... well I will let you know how that is going once I get past 10 push ups, girl style. But our van is named Oobie. So that bit is true. And we do want to help people. So, foundationally we have all we need. 

      On a more serious note, this week has been exhausting in every way. Physically (waking up at 4:50 am four days a week for PT), Mentally (getting trained in disaster relief, CPR/first aid, paper filing protocol, Support Ranger, and learning the female alto part in the Star Spangled Banner for the induction ceremony all in one week), Emotionally/Spiritually (watching the people around me wander in darkness without the Love that sustains me... not to mention a few suicide scares).We were talking today at church about how to know if we were spiritually maturing (growing from infants to adults) and my friend Alex said something I really liked: " In this world it seems that the older or mature we get the more independent we become. But in my walk with God it is the opposite. I have seen that the more mature I get the more dependent I am on Him." One of my favorite verses has always been John:15, "You are the branches and I am the vine. Remain in me and I will remain in you. Without me you can do nothing." Nothing. Every muscle in my body is sore from PT, my brain is stuck with an IV and crammed with training for 12 hours a day and I watch the people I have come to love fill themselves with things no more lasting than vapor. I know that without my relationship with Jesus I can do nothing. 

        But what do you do when you sit down with a friend lost in darkness and pout out your heart to them (the hope, joy and love you feel) and still all you see is emptiness and utter hopelessness? The Holy Spirit led me to this; "Why, my soul, are you so downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior, my God." (Psalm 42). Sometimes things are just way too big for me.And that is OK, because I am not God. And He is big enough to handle any question, pressing darkness or lost sheep. 

     

So I wait on Him.... knowing that, "suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not
disappoint." Romans 5:3-5. Hope. It is a tangible thing.

Love and miss you all. Call me and I will give you a blog shout out on my next post! Holla! Till then, pray for windy weather....